


The kid with the Superman pajamas

by Smokey310



Series: Stupid boys talking and maybe some smut [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Birthday Party, Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Multi, Spin the Bottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5170007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokey310/pseuds/Smokey310
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa was standing there, surrounded by approximately a million children.</p><p>“Please!” he begged a stubborn looking Kageyama. “Just take two or five!”</p><p>“There’s only four of them,” said Kageyama, slowly counting the children to make sure he didn’t miss any. “You can handle four. I’ve seen you with more.”</p><p>Tsukishima cleared his throat to gain their attention.</p><p>“Hi,” he said. “Is it really necessary to run a child trafficking ring in front of my door?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The kid with the Superman pajamas

**Author's Note:**

> So - have one more of my crack without plot one shots... Somehow I'm spending my whole NaNoWriMo word count on these things. New readers should be warned that this is part of a series, which means that even though you can read it individually, some things may not make much sense. But then there is not much sense involved in these stories to begin with. Also, KageHina and IwaOi are just side dishes and don't really play a big role... I just haven't figured out how to tag that yet :-/ Sorry!

Bokuto would not have labeled the residents of his block as particularly laid-back people. There was always complaining about the washing machines and the volume inside the flats and the cleaning of the stairs and the volume in the hallway and also the volume on the way from the entry door to four blocks in every other direction. But there was one thing that every resident of this block unanimously agreed upon: The attic was a party room and whoever wanted to put something up there would agree to an unwritten law about it becoming furnishing to that party room.

Bokuto absolutely loved it up there. It was full of nooks and crannies and had like a million separate rooms with long abandoned couches and coffee tables and bar stools and in one notable case a whole stuffed zebra. He had discovered a new room every time he had been up there and by now he was convinced that it was magic.

So he was more than thrilled when he got an invitation to Tsukishima’s roommate’s birthday party, which would be held up there.

“This is awesome!” he eagerly explained to an annoyed looking Tsukishima. “We haven’t been up there in ages. Nobody invited me to their parties anymore since I accidentally exploded the popcorn machine. I mean – it’s not my fault that thing was old as balls!”

“You put sugar in it and it caught fire – it’s that simple.”

“But I wanted caramelized popcorn!”

“We don’t always get what we want in life, Bokuto. For example – I wanted a simple, stable relationship with an at least moderately good-looking guy and what I got instead, is this!” He gestured over to where Kuroo was lying on his couch, testing out how many lollipops he could fit into his mouth simultaneously. Bokuto didn’t really understand what he meant.

“And instead you got a really hot guy who shamefully lolls around on your couch while sucking on candy?”

Kuroo sent him an air-five.

“No – instead I get a guy who takes little kids’ Halloween candy and lazes around all day long while stuffing himself with his plunder.”

“I’od id phrom Ogawath nithe! “ said Kuroo.

“What?”

“He got it from Oikawa's niece,” translated Akaashi from the kitchen.

“Oh,” said Bokuto, already getting excited. “Mitsu’s visiting? How come I didn’t get any candy?”

Kuroo removed two lollipops from his mouth and waved them at Bokuto. “She actually said to give these to you. You still want them?”

“Yeah!” said Bokuto and Tsukishima observed in disgust how he went over and took the lollipops from him, without hesitating for a single second.

“That’s disgusting,” he said.

“I’ve had worse things in my mouth,” grinned Bokuto, just as Akaashi entered the room with a frown and a plate full of muffins.

“I’ve been gone for two minutes and the conversation has already jumped to something perverted?” he complained, sending Tsukishima – of all people – a disapproving look. “I thought you had them under control.”

“I’m not their babysitter.”

“I thought I could count on you,” said Akaashi and muted Tsukishima's further protest by stuffing a muffin down his throat. “Tell me if it's edible.”

“Hey, don't use my boyfriend as a guinea pig for your poison food!” complained Kuroo – he felt like he had to say something, because Tsukishima was currently choking on a much too hot muffin and he looked like he wanted to complain a lot.

“You and Bokuto both have your mouths full, so he'll have to do. Besides, I can't count on your judgment. You like to eat bananas wrapped in bacon and Bokuto thinks that crunched Froot Loops can be used as a condiment.”

“Fuck you, I got that from a cooking show and it's a delicacy!”

“I got mine from a cooking show, too!” insisted Bokuto, but Akaashi wasn't interested in their claims. Instead he focused on Tsukishima, who had finally coughed out the last crumbs and was looking at him with watery eyes.

“I survived,” he said. “So I guess it's okay if you take them to the party.”

“Let's wait another two hours – maybe it's a slow poison,” said Kuroo and Akaashi shot him a glare, clearly annoyed that his cooking was at some point branded as poisonous, even though he wasn't actually bad at it. At least he was quite confident that the time Bokuto threw up for three days straight was due to his experiment with raw egg smoothies and had nothing to do with Akaashi's salmon rolls.

“Anyway,” said Tsukishima, finally regaining his composure. “You all have to promise not to burn the house down or I will personally organize a bouncer to keep you out.”

Kuroo looked hurt to be included, but Akaashi just went to stand next to his boyfriend and patted Bokuto's biceps.

“Let him come,” he said proudly and Bokuto beamed at him.

“That's right! A bouncer can't keep me out!” yelled Bokuto while lifting Akaashi up as if he weighed less than a feather. Tsukishima just rolled his eyes as they stalked over to the couch, where Kuroo was still sprawled upon, and proceeded to make a big show out of sucking each other’s faces off.

“You guys are disgusting!” complained Kuroo while he tried to keep the two away with his feet. “Go make out in your own flat!”

“You can join us, if you’re so jealous,” suggested Bokuto.

“My boyfriend is literally standing right next to us.”

“He can join, too,” mumbled Akaashi against Bokuto’s lips.

“No thanks,” said Tsukishima dryly. “I’m going out to puke.” He grabbed another muffin on his way out. “That’ll probably help.”

“Don’t leave me alone with them!” yelled Kuroo, but Tsukishima had already closed the door and was standing in the hallway, quickly becoming involved with another type of drama.

Oikawa was standing there, surrounded by approximately a million children.

“Please!” he begged a stubborn looking Kageyama. “Just take two or five!”

“There’s only four of them,” said Kageyama, slowly counting the children to make sure he didn’t miss any. “You can handle four. I’ve seen you with more.”

Tsukishima cleared his throat to gain their attention.

“Hi,” he said. “Is it really necessary to run a child trafficking ring in front of my door?”

Oikawa quickly put a broad, fake smile on his face.

“Hey, Tsukiyama!”

“My name’s Tsukishima.”

“Of course, that’s what I said. Say – you wouldn’t happen to love cute, little children like these…” he gestured to the girl and the three boys hanging on his shirt tail, all of them smeared with chocolate from head to toe. “I mean – sure you would – you look exactly like the kind of person who loves children.”

“I’m already taking care of two, so I don’t have time for more,” said Tsukishima. “Though I have to admit that yours look more house-trained.”

“That was a joke,” explained Kageyama and Oikawa groaned.

“I got that, stupid!”

“Where did you get all these children from, anyway?” asked Tsukishima.

“Well, my sister keeps spitting out one after the other and then dumps them on me.”

“Just say no,” said Kageyama. “It’s not that hard.”

“Tobio-chan! Look into my eyes!”

Neither Tsukishima nor Kageyama looked impressed with Oikawa’s show of blinking his puppy-eyes, not even when the children joined in.

“Everyone from the Oikawa family has it – including my sister. How could anyone say no to that?”

“No,” said Kageyama and Tsukishima at the same time and Oikawa finally resigned.

“You two are awful, cold-hearted people,” he accused.

“Yes,” said Kageyama and Tsukishima – again at the same time. Oikawa was already stomping away with the children in tow. Tsukishima watched them climb the stairs to search the third floor for another victim to be cow-blinked into spontaneously adopting four kids and wondered why Oikawa had to get rid of these children so suddenly.

“Iwaizumi just announced that he’d come back from Australia two months early,” explained Kageyama as if he had been reading his thoughts. “He’ll arrive later tonight. They haven't seen each other for... three years, I think?”

“I see,” said Tsukishima. “Well, if you see Yamaguchi wandering about, tell him that we’ll be ready in an hour.” He paused for a moment, before he handed Kageyama the warm muffin he was still holding on to. If he was lucky, it would poison him. Kageyama took the muffin with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Thanks.”

Tsukishima waved him goodbye and since he was afraid of walking into more drama, he simply turned around and went back into his own flat. Three heads turned in his direction as soon as he entered. They were still lying on the couch, but somehow, Kuroo was now sandwiched between the other two. At first it looked as if they had been able to make him join them, then Tsukishima realized that they were just force-feeding him a muffin.

“Helb me!” screamed Kuroo.

“Why?” said Tsukishima. “You can fit five lollipops into your mouth, so you won’t choke on this.”

“No one is allowed to criticize my cooking skills without testing it first,” said Akaashi. “Now swallow!”

“I refuthe!” said Kuroo, spitting a mouthful of crumbs on Akaashi in the process. Bokuto was holding him still from behind and had nothing to add but his howling laughter. Tsukishima pondered venturing back into the hallway, but then there was still Oikawa with his horde of children stalking about, so he walked over to the couch and squeezed himself between Akaashi and the armrest. He didn’t really mind the close physical contact anymore – not with these three touchy-feely people around all the time.

“Just admit that they’re good,” he said to Kuroo. “I already know that you will be eating 70% of these when no one is looking.”

Kuroo had finally given up and swallowed the muffin in one bite. “What’s the point of doing it when no one is looking, when I have to admit that they’re good?” he whined. “I just wanted to have something to tease Akaashi with. He’s too damn perfect.”

“Of course he is, he’s my boyfriend, after all,” proclaimed Bokuto proudly.

“Just because they’re good doesn’t mean they can’t be poisonous,” said Tsukishima, earning himself an elbow to the rips.

“I was making them for your roommate, because you’re too cool to bake.” Akaashi was glaring at him, but Tsukishima was never too cool to resist a staring contest, so he just smirked back. “Alright,” said Akaashi. He already knew that he’d lose this. “I’ll make you thank me sooner or later. You’ll see.”

“Vaguely threatening…” grinned Kuroo. “Sounds sexy.”

“It doesn’t,” said Tsukishima. “I just reported that we’ll be ready in an hour, so if you don’t want to show up at the party looking like three losers with crumbs and…” he had to squint to recognize the object stuck in Bokuto’s hair, “… lollipops all over yourselves, you should go and get ready now.”

Amazingly, his words did not fall on deaf ears for once. They managed to actually untangle themselves from each other, Kuroo somehow stole two more muffins before anyone noticed and only ten minutes later, Tsukishima was able to kick them out with a last warning to not adopt any children on their way up to their flats.

He himself did not need to clean up too much, thankfully, which left him with at least a half hour of quiet. He used it to stick little candles in each of Akaashi's muffins and then he texted Yachi to check if she was done with decorating the attic. Not that it needed a lot of decoration, because it would simply get lost in all the stuff some of the residents had left up there. Yachi had insisted on doing it anyway, because apparently she was still convinced that Yamaguchi would realize her feelings for him if she did anything and everything except for saying it out loud.

Apparently she was done and some people had even shown up already, so Tsukishima decided that it was time to get his friends, sure that he would need another ten minutes to collect each of them. He was right.

“What in the name of God happened to your hair?” were his first words when Kuroo opened the door.

“I know!” Kuroo had a slightly panicked look on his face. “I don't know what to do. I accidentally used Kenma's shampoo and...”

“Well, we can't go like this,” decided Tsukishima. “No one's going to recognize you.”

Kuroo's hair was actually symmetrical. It actually looked the way his hairdressers always intended it to look. It was an atrocity.

“I don't think I've ever seen your whole face,” said Tsukishima while Kuroo pulled him into his flat, furiously ruffling through his hair, but to no avail – it simply fell back into place.

“Tsukki!” he whined. “I don't know what to do! Help me!”

“Well, first of all, we're going to burn that shampoo bottle.”

“It's mine, so I would prefer it, if you didn't,” sounded a soft voice from the couch. Then Kenma's head appeared, peeking over the backrest. “This serves him right for stealing my shampoo.”

“But...,” said Tsukishima. He knew that Kenma was right, but he couldn't even look at Kuroo without wondering for a second, who that guy was. That should not happen when you looked at your own boyfriend. “Shit! Do you have any hairspray? Gel? Hot glue?”

“Do I usually look like I own any hair product?” Kuroo was still using his panicked voice.

“Okay, do you know anyone who uses...” They both paused for a second.

“Oikawa!” they said at the same time and Tsukishima punched the wall. “Fuck, we can't ask him! He's going to force a child on us in exchange.”

“This is a weird thing for you to get so agitated about,” commented Kenma, who was still peeping at them from the couch. “Just go like that. It looks good.”

“You just want us to leave you alone!” accused Kuroo.

“You're loud,” said Kenma, shrugging, then his head vanished behind the backrest again.

Tsukishima tried to calm himself with deep breaths. Kenma was right – he should not lose his cool over his boyfriend having perfect hair. And it really did look good, it was just really strange to look at. Anyway – they couldn't be late to Yamaguchi's birthday party because of this – especially since they still had to pick up Bokuto and Akaashi, which would probably prove to be an even bigger obstacle. “Okay,” he said, finally. “It's fine. This is fine.”

“What? No, it's not! Let me get a hat or a paper bag with holes or something!”

“Tempting,” said Tsukishima, “but it's probably not a bad thing for me to get used to your whole face. You're already twenty-six, you'll probably start losing your hair in a few years.”

“Don't make twenty-six sound like it's old!”

“Just... pull yourself together! You can do this. You can leave this flat looking like a supermodel with surprisingly bad fashion taste.”

Kuroo blinked at him for a second before a grin started spreading on his face. “Oh?” he chuckled when Tsukishima looked away. “You actually like it, don't you?”

“No – I just...” It took him a moment to come up with a believable excuse. “I just don't want to be late to the party, so you need to shut your mouth and... and come here, to...” But Kuroo had already grabbed him by the hips and put on his seductive face, which Tsukishima found simultaneously stupid and sexy and unfortunately, with his whole face exposed, the sexy part predominated and Tsukishima was forced to lean forward and kiss him for a second or twenty.

“Please just go,” sighed a ghostly voice from the couch. At the same time, a huge bang could be heard from above.

“Oh,” said Kuroo, finally parting lips with Tsukishima. “Sounds like Bokuto just got out of the shower.”

Tsukishima really didn't want to know how he knew that. “Then let’s go get him.”

They said goodbye to Kenma, who was already absorbed in his game again and climbed the stairs to the next floor, where they knocked on Bokuto’s and Akaashi’s door.

It only took Bokuto a second to open it, another second to realize who exactly was standing in front of it and a third second to double over with laughter.

“Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” he wheezed. “Ak… ak-“ he was unable to pronounce his boyfriend’s name through all the laughing and coughing, but Akaashi somehow realized that he was being called anyway and showed up in the doorway with a questioning look on his face.

“Oh,” he said when he recognized Kuroo. “That’s…” His voice broke and Kuroo looked extremely pissed that not even Akaashi was able to look at him without fully suppressing a grin. “… a wonderful look,” finished Akaashi, the corners of his mouth wavering dangerously.

“Shut up, you assholes! Tsukki likes it, so I’m proud to look like this.”

“Well, it’s not a _bad_ look,” Bokuto somehow managed. “It’s just that you look like a total-“

“Momma’s boy,” finished Akaashi. “The perfect son-in-law.”

“Not very fitting for someone with a piercing on his-“

“Shut up!” yelled Kuroo just as Bokuto put on his great-idea-face. Kuroo grimaced. “Oh no.”

“Dude! We can totally do a partner look!”

Tsukishima chimed in with another “Oh no.”

“My hair is still wet, so just give me a minute! I’ll just blow-dry it from the other side!”

Akaashi looked at Kuroo and Tsukishima as if it was somehow their fault that his boyfriend got stupid ideas all the time. Then he sighed. “Well, actually this is not the worst that could have happened. Remember when he thought those plastic headbands were cool for a while?”

“Trying times,” agreed Kuroo.

Bokuto appeared five minutes later, with his hair down and somehow looking sixteen again.

“What do you say?” he beamed.

Tsukishima was the only one brave enough to speak the truth. “It’s… cute,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Bokuto rewarded him with a strong pat on the back and almost made him spill the muffins.

“So, are you all ready now?” asked Tsukishima. “I don’t want to miss my best friend’s birthday because of your hair problems.”

“We can go,” said Akaashi firmly.

And they went.

…

Two hours later, the party was in full swing. Yamaguchi had gone every color throughout the evening – beet red when Yachi hugged him happy birthday, blue when someone in the crowd (definitely not Tsukishima) hollered “just kiss already!” and most recently he had been spotted looking suspiciously green. He had never been able to hold his liquor well, despite his development into a cool, tattooed biker dude.

Tsukishima was still better off. But not by much. He was swinging heavily when he spotted Kageyama standing in a corner, next to a huge potted plant decorated with glittery Christmas balls and tinsel. It was not Yachi’s work – he was pretty sure that the plant had looked like this for five years now.

“Hey,” he said, stumbling in Kageyama’s direction. “You don’t look like you’re having fun.”

“Of course not,” scoffed Kageyama. “Guess who let himself talk into adopting four children tonight?”

Tsukishima didn’t need to hear the answer, because at that exact moment the door to the attic opened up and in stumbled Hinata, somehow balancing a tower of children on his shoulders that was at least twice as tall as him.

“Do you really think this is a good idea?” asked Tsukishima when Hinata approached them. “There are already people dryhumping in the corners, their uncle included.” He looked around for Oikawa and Iwaizumi, but apparently they had been swallowed by one of the rooms and were no longer able to accidentally make the children’s brains combust.

“I wanted to congratulate Yamaguchi – do you know where he is?”

“Probably off to puke in a vase,” said Tsukishima, warily eyeing the swaying tower of children. “I think one of them is drooling on you.”

Hinata’s smile didn’t waver, although there was definitely a thread of drool trickling down his temple. “Okay, then I’ll just go and get these four to finally stay in bed.”

“Are you sure you’ll manage?” asked Tsukishima.

“Of course, I had a little sister, you know?”

Kageyama scoffed again.

“Why are you using the past tense? Did she die?”

“Yes,” said Hinata darkly.

“She turned fifteen,” said Kageyama.

Tsukishima nodded sympathetically. “I see.”

“Halloween was hard for him.”

“Slutty devil or slutty vampire?”

Kageyama thought about it for a minute. “I’m not sure – is there a kind of creature that would wear a bikini top formed like two ice cream cones?”

“Maybe the abominable snowman,” said Tsukishima.

“I wasn’t like that when I was fifteen,” whined Hinata. “I can’t explain how it happened!”

“What, you never wore a bikini shaped like ice cream cones?” Tsukishima smirked. “Pity, I would’ve liked to see that.” He stopped smirking when two arms sneaked around him from behind and a teasing voice slurred into his ears.

“Are you bothering your poor neighbors again?”

Kageyama and Hinata looked confused for a second – they both didn’t recognize Kuroo without his bedhead and only realized who he was when he pressed a wet kiss against Tsukishima’s cheek. Thankfully, Tsukishima was too drunk to get annoyed, so he just leaned into Kuroo, happily swaying with him.

“Awesome! You’re a happy drunk today. Remember to write down what kind of alcohol I owe that to!”

“I think Yachi forced him to do Jello Shots with her and Yamaguchi,” said Kageyama helpfully. “But he’s been surprisingly nice all day so far. You really are a good influence on him.”

“Shut up, Kageyama!” said Tsukishima, but Kuroo was already beaming and pressing another wet kiss to his cheek.

“Eeew!” commented one of the children – the girl riding on Hinata’s left shoulder. “Whad are you doin, Kuloo?”

Tsukishima wondered for a brief moment why she wasn’t able to articulate herself better at that age, but then he noticed that both of her front teeth were missing at the same time. Tragic.

“I’m getting a taste of my own Halloween candy,” he said, grinning. “Hey Mitsu, you want a bite, too?”

“You were very wrong about the good influence,” whispered Hinata to his boyfriend while Tsukishima mumbled: “How, she doesn’t have any teeth!”

Thankfully, the girl just shook her head.

“Well, it’s too late for sweets, anyway. Shouldn’t you be in bed already?”

“We’re not tired,” said one of the boys.

“Yes you are – very, very tired!” said Hinata. Instead of answering, the boy just continued drooling on him.

Tsukishima turned his head around to not very discreetly whisper into Kuroo’s ear: “Please tell me you came to take me away from here!”

“I did, actually,” whispered Kuroo back.

Kageyama joined the whispered conversation. “Take me with you!”

“Forget it!”

“So you’re not being nice after all,” said Kageyama, frowning. “Should’ve known it wouldn’t last long.”

“Sorry,” laughed Kuroo. “You really should go to bed, guys,” he said to the kids. “Anyway, the both of us are off to mingle now, so – we’ll see you around!”

Tsukishima waved at them while Kuroo dragged him away, still hugging him around the middle. They must’ve looked pretty stupid, stumbling around like this, but in the dark, narrow attic, no one really noticed. Kuroo hauled Tsukishima around a few random corners, apparently looking for a specific room.

“You should’ve left chalk marks,” said Tsukishima. “You won’t find the same room twice, everybody knows that.”

“I told Bokuto to cry like an owl.”

“Marco Polo-ing your way back won’t work either, but maybe he’ll explode another popcorn machine – we won’t miss that.”

They stumbled into a room with an old billiard table on which two people were furiously making out on. Both of them looked up, startled by the sudden interruption.

“Oh – hey, you two!” grinned Oikawa. He looked genuinely happy, even though they had just interrupted his make-out session. His partner echoed the greeting in a gruff voice and Tsukishima was again surprised about how different the guy looked with his tan and his beard.

“Iwaizumi?” laughed Kuroo. “Is that you?”

“He looks awesome, doesn’t he?” said Oikawa excitedly. “He even got more muscular – hey Iwa-chan, flex for them, come on!”

Iwaizumi didn’t look too eager to get off of the billiard table right now. “No,” he said simply.

“Come ooon – I need to brag about your manliness for a bit!”

Iwaizumi straight-out ignored him and looked at Kuroo instead, confusion written all over his face. “I’m looking at you upside-down, but there’s still something weird about you,” he said.

“His hair is normal,” said Tsukishima helpfully.

“My hair is _different_!”

“It’s weird,” said Oikawa. “Hey, did you notice Iwa-chan’s beard?”

“Please go,” said Iwaizumi.

Kuroo nodded understandingly and hauled Tsukishima around again, to leave the two lovebirds in peace. They stumbled in on a few more people in varying state of undress, although none of them were Yamaguchi and Yachi, to Tsukishima’s disappointment. Finally, they reached a room which Kuroo seemed to recognize. There was an old exercise ball rolling around in it, some snowboards and skies were piled up against the walls and in the middle stood a whole outdoors-trampoline. Tsukishima was surprised that it even fit in there. Through the net surrounding the trampoline, he could see a pillow fort which Bokuto and Akaashi were busily constructing.

“Hey!” called Kuroo upon entering. “I told you to make some noise so I could find my way back.”

“No you didn’t,” said Akaashi, whose head was peeking out of the net.

“Okay, I didn’t, but I didn’t think it needed saying with Bokuto around.”

Tsukishima giggled softly. “Owl cries. I get it.”

“Did you find Tsukishima?” bellowed Bokuto from inside the trampoline.

“Yes, I’m here!”

Bokuto’s head appeared above Akaashi’s to beam at him. “Just in time! This is the most awesome room we found so far!” He bounced a bit just from talking, but Tsukishima was still too drunk to worry about how sick he would get inside the trampoline – especially with Bokuto in it. Without his brain functioning normally, it even sounded like a good idea.

“Come on, get in!” Kuroo urged. “It’s so great!”

He didn't need to tell him twice. Tsukishima had already crawled halfway through the net, eager to lie down after standing for so long. The inside of the trampoline really did look awesome, although nobody wanted to think further about what else had happened on all these pillows and blankets which they had found randomly strewn across the attic. One of the pillows was a huge Spongebob doll with a crookedly sewed-on grin. It looked like it could murder somebody. It was guarding a bunch of bottles – mostly beer and some green and yellow skittles vodka, which they had managed to steal. They had also nicked some cake from the main room.

“This is going to be our new headquarters,” grinned Bokuto, still bouncing.

“Isn't it kind of inconvenient to have an HQ in a room that you will never find again?” said Akaashi.

“But!” whined Bokuto, “just imagine, what if we could somehow install a screen and PlayStation in here!” He shifted a bit to make room for Kuroo, who was climbing in behind Tsukishima, and handed him a beer.

“That really does sound awesome,” admitted Kuroo. “Right, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima was already laying face-down in the pillows and was only able to give a muffled “mmmh”.

“Come on, Tsukki – you can't sleep now! We're here to get pissed as fuck and play spin-the-bottle!”

That finally made Tsukishima raise his head. “Spin-the-bottle? We're in our twenties, for God's sake!”

“You're never too old for spin-the-bottle!” announced Bokuto in a tone that didn't allow for any objections. “However, we need to empty a bottle first, so Akaashi should ex the yellow vodka.”

“Do you want me to die?” said Akaashi, but he was already opening the bottle and taking a huge gulp from it. Tsukishima was genuinely impressed. “There, that's enough for now. You guys can help.” He handed the bottle to Kuroo, who was still sipping on his beer, but didn't seem to mind the clash in flavors. After he had also taken a big gulp, he passed it on to Tsukishima and they kept passing it around until it was completely empty. Bokuto drank the last sip with his beer and belched loudly.

“Okay! Is everyone drunk enough to see double?”

“Yep,” said Tsukishima, taking off his classes and putting them on Spongebob. “Those definitely won't help anymore.”

“Why do I feel like I'm sitting between three strangers?” complained Akaashi, looking between bedhead-less Kuroo, Tsukishima without glasses and Bokuto with his hair down. “I want to look different, too.”

“Here you go,” said Kuroo and he took the glasses off Spongebob and put them on Akaashi's nose.

“Fuck,” said Akaashi. “I feel a million times drunker now.”

“It looks surprisingly good,” said Kuroo.

“I don't know, he looks just like Spongebob to me,” said Tsukishima. “Maybe less yellow.”

“Just try not to accidentally kiss Spongebob when the bottle lands on him,” laughed Bokuto. “Anyway, are we starting yet?”

“How are we playing? The truth-or-dare-version?” asked Kuroo. 

“As long as I don’t have to leave the trampoline fort for the dare, I’m game,” said Tsukishima, letting himself fall back into the pillows again. Kuroo and Bokuto chuckled.

“I’m quite sure that no such dares will come up,” said Kuroo. “Those two are dead-set on making out with us, I can see it in their eyes.”

“Oh well, you saw right through us. I’m actually sad that we still have to get you drunk for this.” Bokuto tried to rearrange some of the pillows in the middle to create an empty space for the bottle. “Anyway, I’m gonna start now.” True to his words, he spun the bottle – or rather, accidentally bounced it so that it hit Kuroo’s head. “That counts!” he said. 

“Okay, but next time, spin it, please,” said Kuroo, rubbing his forehead. “Also, I choose dare, obviously.”

“I’ll give you an easy start – take off your pants!”

“How the fuck is that an easy start?”

“Just be glad that you don’t have a dick in your mouth yet,” said Akaashi as Kuroo started to peel off his jeans. “It’s your turn.”

Kuroo spun the bottle without bouncing it and it landed on Akaashi, who just shrugged and asked for a dare. Kuroo was apparently very pleased with this outcome, because the grin on his face widened dangerously.

“Didn’t you say that you would make Tsukki thank you somehow? I want to see you doing it.”

Tsukishima had lifted his head upon hearing his name and swung back into a sitting position.

“Tsukishima!” said Akaashi. “You still need to thank me for making the muffins.”

“Oh, right,” said Tsukishima. “Thanks Akaashi, you are the best!”

“What the fuck, Tsukki!”

“What did you expect – he’s drunk and tired and happy,” said Akaashi through Bokuto’s laughter. “If you want to see something sexy, you need to ask for it.” He reached for the bottle and gave it a spin. It landed on Tsukishima, this time.

“Hm… truth,” said Tsukishima.

“Boring, Tsukki!”

Akaashi didn’t have to think long. “Who’s the better kisser – me or Kuroo?”

“You,” said Tsukishima truthfully. “But Kuroo isn’t that bad either.”

“What about me?” asked Bokuto, already bouncing again.

“I don’t remember this being part of the question,” said Tsukishima. “Besides, I only kissed you once and I was super drunk, so I’ll need a reminder.”

“He’s just too nice to say that you’re overeager,” said Kuroo, who was sulking about only making second place. 

Bokuto didn’t buy it. “Tsukishima would never be too nice to say anything.”

“The bottle’s on you, Bokuto,” said Tsukishima. Nobody had even seen him spin it. “So you need to choose dare and remind me now.”

He didn’t need to say it twice – Bokuto was already bouncing over to him and pushing him into the pillows again.

“Go easy on him!” warned Kuroo. “He doesn’t look like he can stomach too much bouncing.” He watched Bokuto press his grinning mouth against Tsukishima’s. “Or your whole tongue in his throat!” he said, while Akaashi patted his knee.

“No need to get jealous.”

“I’m not, but I can’t just silently watch him drown my boyfriend.”

“He doesn’t look like he minds,” said Akaashi and Tsukishima really didn’t. He had slung his arms around Bokuto’s broad back and took his tongue without complaint, only breaking away now and then to gasp for air. Kuroo fell silent while watching them make out. He realized that he actually wasn’t jealous – he just wished he could join in on the fun. 

“Is there a time limit to this?” he asked after a while. “Or do Akaashi and I have to start our own affair over here?”

Bokuto hesitatingly broke away from Tsukishima, without moving off of him yet. “There,” he said in a breathless voice – a state which Bokuto didn’t easily reach. “How was that?”

“Save it for the next truth,” Tsukishima smirked. 

“It certainly sobered him up a bit, if he can be difficult again,” said Akaashi. 

“Well – he did get efficiently hydrated…“ Kuroo grimaced. “Come on, Bokuto – you need to spin the bottle.” 

Bokuto gave a shove with his arms and bounced backwards into the pillows, reaching for the bottle mid-flight. This time it hit Akaashi on the head.

“Spinning! It’s not that hard!” groaned Kuroo.

“Akaashi, why don’t you make Kuroo shut up for a while?”

“I didn’t even choose dare yet,” he said, but he was already leaning to the side and into Kuroo’s space. Kuroo somehow managed to catch him without toppling over. 

“You’re heavy!”

“It’s all my head,” said Akaashi. He was still wearing the glasses and wasn’t able to see much, which is why his lips landed on Kuroo’s cheek before they shifted in the right direction. Bokuto, who had no understanding of personal space, leaned in to watch them go at it from a shorter distance, until Kuroo’s hand landed in his face to push him away.

“Okay, I shouldn’t have taken my glasses off,” said Tsukishima when he heard Kuroo sigh. “And can someone please make me kiss Akaashi next.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get our chance,” mumbled Akaashi, still leaning heavily against Kuroo. “You’ll have to come over here, though. I can’t even sit straight.”

“Maybe you should kiss Bokuto, too,” laughed Kuroo, giving him a gentle shove back to his place on the cushions. They proceeded to spin the bottle and just like Akaashi said, he and Tsukishima were making out by the fifth turn. There wasn’t much more happening except for kissing in a lot of variations and some stripping. Bokuto wasn’t wearing a shirt anymore, though no one was entirely sure if that was due to a dare. Kuroo was only left with his boxers and Akaashi was just being stripped of his shirt by Kuroo when Tsukishima noticed something weird.

“How…” he hiccupped and almost forgot what he wanted to say. “How come there’s suddenly five people?”

“That’s just Spongebob,” slurred Bokuto. At some point, he had opened the green vodka and his energy was finally beginning to reach its limit. 

“Oh,” said Tsukishima, but then he shook his head. There was definitely something strange going on. “Has… has Spongebob always worn Superman pajamas?”

Three heads turned in the direction he was pointing.

Yes – there was definitely someone else sitting there.

“What the fuck,” said Kuroo. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” said the kid with the Superman pajamas. 

Kuroo suddenly felt very naked. 

“Are you one of Oikawa’s?”

The kid nodded, happily munching away on a forgotten piece of cake, which had been lying around the trampoline. 

“Well shit,” hiccupped Bokuto.

“Don’t swear in front of the kid!” scolded Akaashi.

“That won’t save him now. How long do you think he’s been watching us go at it?”

The kid did not seem bothered by their conversation about him or their state of undress. Tsukishima watched a drop of snot flow from his nose. “I think it’s the drooling one,” he said.

“All kids drool,” said Akaashi. “Just look at Bokuto.”

Kuroo reached over to pat Tsukishima's shoulder. “Well, looks like you'll have to bring him back. Good luck.”

“What? Why me?”

“Because everyone else is naked,” said Bokuto.

“Weren't you wearing your pants just a second ago?”

“Come on,” said Kuroo, “your neighbors are babysitting him, right? How much would they owe you if you brought back the lost child?”

Tsukishima was too drunk for this conversation, so he snatched back his glasses from Akaashi's nose to properly glare at everyone, and when nobody caved, he crawled out of the trampoline. “Come here,” he told the kid. “What's your name?”

“Yoshio,” said the kid in the Superman pajamas. He jumped out of the trampoline behind Tsukishima and reached his hand out to him. Tsukishima took it, making a face. It was sticky. 

“Well, Yoshio, you better don't say a single word on our way down, or I will lock you in one of these magic rooms and you will never get out again, do you understand?”

“Be nice to him!” yelled Kuroo from inside the trampoline. Tsukishima didn't say anything else, but he made sure to tower over the boy and looking intimidating. 

“You're swaying,” the boy informed him. 

“Shut up, there's a lot of wind up here!”

Yoshio looked unimpressed. “Can we go back now?” he asked, tugging on Tsukishima's hand. “I miss uncle Shouyo.”

Tsukishima was too busy fighting the urge to puke on the little boy's head to say anything. He really was swaying, or maybe the room was spinning – it was magic, after all. He also realized that he had no idea how to get back and it wouldn't do to walk in on Oikawa again, with his nephew in tow. 

“What are you doing?” asked the boy when Tsukishima simply sat down on the floor. 

“I.. I think the quickest way is to dig a hole.”

“You're just too drunk to stand upright!” yelled Bokuto from inside the trampoline – it was just annoying enough to motivate Tsukishima to get out of there as fast as possible. He just hoped that no one would see him crawl.

“Can I ride on your back?” asked Yoshio excitedly. God – who the hell thought it would be a good idea to put these kids on a diet of sweets and cake? Their energy was unreal – not even Bokuto was that annoying.

“Hell no, you obviously have enough energy to walk by yourself!”

Yoshio looked like he would break into tears any second now and Tsukishima groaned loudly. That would mean even more snot! “Okay, look!” He reached for a pair of discarded skiing sticks lying around and somehow managed to pick himself up with it. “I'm walking too. We're both walking, like real adults.”

“I'm seven,” said the boy. 

“I didn't ask.” 

They finally exited the trampoline room and found themselves inside the maze of random rooms and corners. Tsukishima didn't remember a thing about the way he took to get here. Mostly because he had been half-carried, half-pushed by Kuroo. Yoshio wasn't that useless, thankfully. 

“It's this way,” he directed and Tsukishima decided that he had no other choice but to trust him. They made a turn at a shop window mannequin which had been rearranged so that an arm was coming out of its neck and its head was somehow stuck to its crotch area. Tsukishima really didn't know how he had forgotten this and for a moment he was sure that Yoshio just led him around aimlessly, but after only a minute of wobbling along on his make-shift crutches, he set foot into the main attic room, where they had cut the cake for the party earlier this evening. 

Well, maybe the attic wasn't magic after all. Maybe everyone was just always too drunk to remember where they went after they scattered from the heart of the party in the main room. 

“Why exactly am I escorting you anyway?” mumbled Tsukishima as Yoshio pulled him over to the exit door. He was feeling sicker by the second and was not looking forward to the stairs. But it was no use – those damn elevators were always broken and when they weren't, nobody trusted them enough to actually set foot in them. No matter how drunk they were.

“Please slow down!” he begged the kid. “Or I swear I will throw up.”

Yoshio took the warning to heart and actually waited patiently while Tsukishima attempted the stairs in a sit-and-slide style that hurt his backside, but helped with the nausea. 

When they finally arrived at Hinata's door, it was wide open and Oikawa could be heard from the hallway. 

“How is it even possible to lose a whole person?” he cried. “And in the time span of two hours! Aren't you coaching a whole volley ball team? You should be better with kids!”

“They're high schoolers,” came Kageyama's voice from inside the flat. When Tsukishima walked up to peek into the living room, he could see him sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine and trying not to look at the grown man who was standing in front of him, bawling like a baby and gesturing wildly. “Also, I never agreed to babysit your kids. I should be angry at you for releasing a bunch of wild beasts on my boyfriend – look what they did to him!”

Hinata was slumped over an armchair – his whole face had been vandalized with sharpies and a bruise was probably hidden underneath the bag of frozen peas on his forehead. He was totally knocked-out.

“Mitsu said that he received a falling shelf with his face, so isn't it his own fault?”

“You don't receive a shelf with your face, you just get buried under it.”

“Nobody asked him to be the size of a preschooler,” said Oikawa, blowing his nose with his sleeve. “I never should have left the kids, I'm the worst uncle in the world!”

“Yes – and tormenting me won't bring him back, so shouldn't you just go and look for him?” grumbled Kageyama. 

“Shut up, Tobio!” yelled Oikawa at the same time as the boy ran up to him from behind and grabbed his shirt with his sticky fingers.

“I'm here, uncle Tooru,” said the boy. “That glasses guy brought me back.”

Well – that was not entirely true, but Tsukishima didn't intend to correct him. Kageyama just noticed him and sent him a look that was equally annoyed and relieved. “So – can you go now?” he asked Oikawa, who was currently breaking into even more tears and scooping up his nephew to use him as a living tissue. 

“Yoshio!” he sobbed. “Where have you been? I was so worried!”

“I was in a trampoline,” said the boy – another statement on which Tsukishima didn't want to elaborate. “There was cake.”

“I can't believe that tormenting Tobio really did bring you back!”

“That wasn't it, it was Tsukishima!” yelled Kageyama and Oikawa finally noticed him standing in the doorway. 

“You!” he cried. “I knew you'd be good with children!”

“You're very mistaken!” burped Tsukishima. He was still heavily leaning on his skiing sticks, glasses askew, and battling the urge to puke. But Oikawa was already running up to him and before Tsukishima knew what was going on, he was locked in a tight hug. 

“Thank you so much!” sobbed Oikawa, but all Tsukishima could really think about was more snot on his person and then he suddenly couldn't hold it in anymore and threw up all over Oikawa's shoulder. 

“Seriously?” yelled Kageyama. “Get out of my flat, all of you!”

Oikawa still wouldn't let go of him and just hugged him even tighter. 

“Hey!” Kageyama said, when he noticed Tsukishima's face going white again. “He just threw up on you, you know?”

“How many babies do you think have done the same in the last ten years? This doesn't bother me at all!”

“It's really not the same,” said Kageyama dryly. “Just take your lost child and a clean shirt and go back to your boyfriend before the other three manage to knock him out, too.”

That finally made Oikawa let go of Tsukishima, who immediately sank down to the floor and gasped for air. Kageyama was looking at him with disapproval in his eyes.

“You're a wreck!” he said. 

“You're just jealous that you didn't get to enjoy the party because Hinata is an idiot!”

“Not anymore,” said Kageyama. He stood up and went into his room for a moment, before coming back with a clean shirt for Oikawa. “Here. Just promise to give it back.”

Oikawa was still blinking tears out of his eyes and took the shirt with an unreadable expression. “Look at that,” he said. “You really did become kind of dependable.”

“Well, I'm surrounded by grown-ass men who act like little children, so I didn't really have a choice.”

“Oh my God, don't exclude yourself from that!” groaned Tsukishima. “Or I'm going to puke on you, too!”

“See?” said Kageyama pointedly. Tsukishima really wanted to hit him, but he didn't have enough strength to stand, let alone throw a punch.

“Whatever!” he said. “I'm out of here!”

“Bye, glasses-guy!” yelled Yoshio. Tsukishima waved at him half-heartedly before crawling out of the flat. Luckily, he didn't have a long way to go to his own flat, since it was right next to Kageyama's. 

He sighed happily as soon as the door fell shut behind him. Peace and quiet – finally! There wasn't even a sign of Yamaguchi being back yet and that hopefully meant that he was passed out in one of the attic rooms with Yachi by his side. He threw the skiing sticks in a random corner and crawled into the bathroom to wash his mouth and chug a liter of water. After all that, he felt a lot better – still tired as hell, but better. However, when he went into his room and took a look at his own bed, it just seemed cold and empty. “Fuck...” he mumbled to himself. All he wanted was to curl up on a trampoline, sandwiched between three warm bodies and a Spongebob doll. How bothersome...

It took exactly fifteen minutes until he parted the net of the trampoline and crawled in to two surprised faces looking at him.

“Oh...” said Akaashi. “You really did come back!”

“How did you find the way?” asked Kuroo.

“There was a convenient trail of drool,” said Tsukishima. Bokuto joined the conversation with an earth-shattering snore. “He's already knocked out?”

“As soon as you were gone,” said Akaashi and moved to make some room between himself and Bokuto. “Come here, you don't want to get too close to Kuroo right now.”

Tsukishima had already noticed the smell. 

“What the hell are you eating?” he said. 

Kuroo just looked at him with innocent eyes and licked something from his oily fingers. “Tuna,” he said with his mouth full. 

Tsukishima's facial expression apparently did all the asking for him, which was good, because he couldn't really decide on a specific question. 

“It was just lying around, so I...”

“Do you have any idea how old that could be?” 

Kuroo shrugged. “It was canned – things like these don't go bad.”

“We're not living in some kind of post-apocalyptic world where you go around and eat long-forgotten conserves!”

“Whatever – it helps with the nausea, so I'm eating it.”

Tsukishima groaned and went to lie on the pillow next to Akaashi. “Why is my boyfriend disgusting?” he asked as Akaashi threw an arm around him. “Do I really deserve that?”

“Well, mine is a big, snoring baby and I'm pretty sure I don't deserve that,” said Akaashi, still slurring a bit. Tsukishima snuggled closer to him just as the big, snoring baby decided to turn around in his sleep and throw an arm around Tsukishima from the other side.

“Hey!” came Kuroo's protest. “Don't hog my boyfriend!”

“Do hog his boyfriend!” corrected Tsukishima. “I don't want to wake up with a guy blowing his fish-breath in my face.”

“Fine then, I'll blow my fish-breath in Bokuto's face – I'm sure he won't mind...” Kuroo finally put the tuna away, cleaned his fingers on his boxers and grabbed a blanket on his way to the other side of the trampoline, where he spooned against Bokuto's back. Bokuto made a happy sound in his sleep. 

“Well, I guess we're sleeping now,” said Akaashi. “So good night.”

“Good night,” echoed Kuroo and Bokuto snored like a saw mill into Tsukishima's ears and for a moment Tsukishima wondered if it really had been a good idea to come back up here and lie between the human freight train and Mr. Fish-breath. But then Kuroo's hand shifted to lie loosely on his hips and Akaashi's nose burrowed into the nape of his neck and Bokuto smiled in his sleep and Tsukishima suddenly didn't care about good ideas anymore.

“Good night,” he whispered and closed his eyes.


End file.
